I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Mom said you looked used
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
