i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
