Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
should my penis look like a turkey
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
