We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I believe in your delicious
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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