Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
