Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Randomize
