This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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