So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
