Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
