I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
