she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize