He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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