Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Found your dick twin last night
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
