I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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