At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
