At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize