how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
