they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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