She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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