Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
