Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
soo... how was my night?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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