He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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