I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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