twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
