they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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