You're so nebulous sometimes
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
