i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Houston, we have a squirter
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up under a house in Key West
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