I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
