I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
