I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
