we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
