Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
