I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
