Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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