6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
