i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
