I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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