I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
