all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
