My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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