is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
