yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
