It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
