i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
