what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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