I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
