Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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