my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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