Redeem this text for a blowjob
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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