Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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