whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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