I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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