just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
