Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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