I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
