I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
fuck your aforementioned shoe
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
