Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
