We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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