My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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