Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
