Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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