Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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