So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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