things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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