My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
